Monday, June 25, 2012
Finding God's Purpose For You
Ok......so I am not so good at this whole blogging thing! I want to be, but life just gets so busy and I also get easily intimidated by all the amazing blogs out there. In fact I feel like that is one of my biggest obstacles comparing myself to others and what they can do, rather than fully immersing myself in the life God has given me to live.
Being sick like this, I'm going on 20 years now with this illness, can be very difficult. One of the biggest difficulties about it is trying to figure out what my purpose is in life. Sure there are other women out there who are homemakers, but most of them are mommies. Honestly, my hubby and I do not fully have peace that I am healthy enough and physically strong enough on a daily basis to be a mommy someday. Also with my Lyme disease, we do not have complete peace that our children would be born perfectly healthy. This is something I have surrendered over to God, it is in His hands, and whether I ever have children or not, does not change the fact that God does indeed have a plan for my life.
Another thing I struggle with is the fact that many people get very sick, become extremely close to God, but then they get better and do amazing things with their lives afterward. For me though, I am still sick. People don't really realize how sick I am by looking at me, and I really try not to make people feel sorry for me because I have this illness. Honestly, even though it is difficult to be sick like this I wouldn't change it because this is what God had planned out for me to make me into who He wants me to be. This illness has made me so much closer to God, and I never would have slowed down enough to meet my amazing hubby if it were not for this illness! :)
So lately, I feel like I have started to have some revelations as to why God created me the way I am. I had always been painfully shy growing up and also extremely sensitive. I have spent a lot of my life with my feelings hurt because I am just sooo sensitive. I know God gave me this kind of heart for a reason, so I am trying to not get hurt so easily but, to use it to be someone who is very compassionate and aware of the needs of others. During my illness, a lot of friends and family really weren't there for me. Actually a lot of times in life I kinda fall through the cracks because I am quiet and I just kinda fade into the background. This has been a source of hurt to me in the past, but I am realizing it is part of God's plan for me. Because even though I have felt this way in my life, but being lucky enough to have friends and family members who do really truly love me, than there are certainly people in this life who feel that way and there is no one close to them who really love and care about them. I think that God was allowing this heartache in my life so that I could be someone who is very sensitive to the heartaches of others around me. This is something I can do, that maybe I couldn't have if I was out working full time and raising a family. God is already putting people in my life and opportunities where I feel this is my calling. I went to school to become a psychologist, but maybe I wasn't meant to sit in a chair and offer advice, but to be out in the world loving and caring about the people that a lot of times our world has forgotten.
This is something that I am still figuring out, but it feels so good to focus on a calling, rather than sitting around waiting to get better. I may never get better, but its ok as long as I am being the person God wants me to be. I love this quote from my Jesus calling devotional,"Do not resist or run from the difficulties in your life. These problems are not random mistakes; they are hand-tailored blessings designed for your benefit and growth. Embrace all the circumstances that I allow in your life, trusting Me to bring good out of them. View problems are opportunities to rely more fully on Me."